One Liners



I know you believe that you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure that you realize that what you heard is not exactly what I meant!

The double entendre has stood in the annals of time as the staple of the joke world. With that in mind, here's a collection of quick one-liners - sure to make you cringe!


  1. Two peanuts walk into a bar, one was a salted.
  2. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
  3. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France resulted in "Linoleum Blownapart."
  4. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
  5. Two hydrogen atoms were talking. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "I'm positive..."
  6. A jumper cable walks into a restaurant. The waiter says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
  7. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
  8. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
  9. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's Not Unusual."
  10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
  11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
  12. Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.
  13. I went to the butcher's the other day to bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
  14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
  15. Did you hear the joke about the jump rope? Skip it.
  16. Did you hear the joke about the dirty window? You wouldn't see through it.
  17. Did you hear the joke about the bed? It hasn't been made up yet.
  18. Did you hear the joke about the roof? It's over your head.
  19. Did you hear about the butcher who backed into his meat saw? He got a little behind in his work.
  20. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "OK, how do you drive this thing?"

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