Church Bloopers

This page is dedicated with loving memory to Dr. Sam Sasser, a pastor, leader, diligent student of the Word, gifted communicator, passionate worshipper, but most of all, an example of honest transparency with the people he influenced and before the Lord. Without his example, we wouldn't be where we are today.

Many of the accounts related here are edited excerpts from his book, "Let Us Continue to Hold Sister Smith's Leg Up in Prayer!" Thank you, Sam, for helping us to laugh at ourselves! To get straight to the humor, I've resisted including it here, but it's worth reading the prologue to Dr. Sasser's book for some thought provoking material on our humanity.

Arizona's executive director of Teen Challenge, Snow Peabody, was called upon during a Teen Challenge service to pray.  The speaker, however, got his tongue tangled when he introduced him, saying, "We're asking Brother Snow Praybody to please come and pea for us."

The announcement of a meeting appeared in a church bulletin: There will be a mateing of the singles in the basement following the service.  All young men and women should be there.

A minister went through her entire sermon without realizing why everyone was laughing.  Afterward someone enlightened her; she had Paul and Silas in cuff links instead of handcuffs!

A young pastor in New Mexico once got his tang all toungled and told his congregation that whosoever believed in Jesus would receive everlasting lice.

A prominent minister in Dallas was preaching on falling short of the glory of God.  As an altar call, he reportedly said, "I now want to pray for your falling shorts."

A minister in Detroit wanted to encourage his membership to attend the church softball team's games.  In an effort to get larger crowds at the games, he was quoted as saying to his congregation, "We can't all be athletes, but we should all be athletic supporters."

Elders in their church, a couple was called upon by their pastor to give a report to the congregation about their recent vacation.  The wife said, "We had a wonderful time fishing, but Fred spent all his money on sinkers and hookers."  The crowd roared, as both were dearly loved.  The husband is reported to simply have said, "I can't improve on my wife's report."

On open microphones the pastor and his wife were dialoging before the entire church about loving your mate.  The pastor said, "But, honey, are you positive you'll love me after I get old and fat?"  She answered, "Who says I don't?"

They were baptizing people on a cold fall day in Kentucky. When the young man came up out of the water people shouted, "Glory"! "Was it cold on ya, son?" the pastor shouted. "No, sir" he replied, "it's all right." One of his friends shouted, "Baptize him again, preacher, he's still lyin'."

And now a few "prophetic" (or should we say "pathetic") words coming from believers bold enough to try to encourage the saints by exercising this gift:

  1. " 'Yea, there is fear in the east, and yea, there is fear in the west, and I myself fear,' saith the Lord."

  2. "This is the word of God, I got it straight from the horse's mouth."

  3. " 'Yea, I am the Omniscient God," saith the Lord, 'and so far as I know...' "

  4. " 'And even as Moses built the ark, saith God, 'So I, uh, Yea, I am wrong,' saith the Lord, 'I meant Noah, and even as Noah built the ark...' "

  5. "Thus saith the Lord, 'I am not in this place.' "